Good morning Christmas Eve

I am not much of a writer for this blog. I am a big writer, but it is more personal, things that I don’t want to share on a blog.

It’s been a tremendously busy time in my life. The demands of work and single parenting certainly puts a toll on me. I’m learning to manage that, and it is the catalyst of a lot of personal growth.

Dating….

I’ve met a few men, had a few dates. My biggest obstacle is time. I’d like to keep it light. If it’s meant to be, it will be, let’s not rush it. The most important thing is to safeguard my daughter, and safeguard my own boundaries. All of these axioms will result in a healthy relationship. I’m not worried about it. It will come.

In the meantime, I realize, that I’m very conflicted about Christmas. I love being with my family. I love my daughters excitement over it. I hate the consumer spending aspect about it. Gimmmmmeee, gimmmeee.

I certainly want things. I need things. But those things, I really need to buy MYSELF. I tend to take care of the needs of others before myself, and then my family often compensates on occasions like Christmas and Birthdays. And honestly, I don’t want them to do that because I lack the discipline… shall we say discipline… or because I HAVE the discipline to not be a shopholic. There is a fine line I suppose, and I tend to fall on the side of depriving myself.

On the other hand, money has always been tight, especially when I was married to a spend-a-holic. So my thriftiness was justified. And while things are less tight, it’s easy to spend a few thousand dollars on just-above-necessities. (Things that aren’t absolute necessities, but you need never the less.)

Tonight we do the usual Christmas Eve dinner. This was a tradition we started when we used to go to hospitals and nursing homes early in the morning on Christmas morning. It was a gratifying experience to share Christmas with people who were without anyone. But my brother and I were older when we started doing this.

My family really enjoyed the evening ritual. It’s more festive. But having a young child, one MUST open presents on Christmas morning. And the joy of Christmas for little ones, is priceless.